I'm Alive!

Hello my dear followers, I would like to drop a little note to say that I have not forgotten about you or given up on my little space here. I'd like to let you know in a nutshell what I have been up to, and my plans for the near future that will include regular posting and inspiration as you have enjoyed before.

The move to California has been a journey of great measures for Phil and I. It was the best decision we have ever made as a couple, and I think even as individuals. We are so at home, and feeling that we have a new lease on life. We spent months sacrificing and saving, and now we are here with heels deep in the soil, without looking back. There are about 1 million things I would love to update you about, but it will take time to catch you up. So at the moment I will tell you the most important thing...

About a week and a half ago I severely sprained by knee and ankle. When I have heard of someone spraining something in the past, I hardly batted an eye at it. I remember the injury healing quickly, and I got the feeling it wasn't that big of a deal. But after my episode, let me tell you a bad sprain really IS more painful then a break. How did it happen you ask? There are a few factors.

It was the evening of the much planned for 5th anniversary party for my sister Hannah and her husband Jeff. Everyone's squished into our place in gowns and tuxes, dancing to Daft Punk and all of a sudden I step wrong, hear a pop and collapse. First response: EMBARRASSMENT! You know that one person at a wedding who wipes out, and you just think, dear goodness I am glad that wasn't me- and deep in the recesses of your mind you know one day it will happen to you. Well, what a great night for it to happen to me, when I'm hosting a party for my one and only sister.

That aside, everyone was extremely cool and supportive about it. I managed to flee to the bedroom, cry it out with Phil and call a nurse just to make sure. As I layed out on the bed and pushed back, my knee went out of place and in Hannah's words, it was the most disturbing thing she had ever seen. LOL! It sure felt awesome. NOT REALLY!! After resting, redoing my makeup with the help of friends and gathering my wits about me, I headed back out to the party. To my deep and overwhelming pleasure everyone was dancing, mingling and having as great of a time as I was hoping.

My leg incident didn't seem to overshadow or effect the party as I had worried it would. And though everyone checked up on me via msgs and texts days after, they raved that it was the best party they'd been to. More importantly Hannah and Jeff gave us a card that expressed the deepest of love and gratitude for the night- and that is really what made it all okay.

The day of the party I was entertaining guests from out of town, cooking 4 pots of pasta, getting ready to the 9's and all without an ounce of food in my system. That was the biggest mistake I made. Running on empty, I downed a glass of wine and headed to the dance floor. It was only a matter of time before I wiped out I think. Nevertheless, I managed to dance on one leg to many o' songs and even slow danced with my sis and the love of my life. It really was a magical night.

Our good friend Jessica who is an epic photographer took pics all night, which I will definitely show you once she shares them. Everyone looked so beautiful and special. 5 years is big these days, and I feel we gave love the attention it deserved.

Since the party I've been on the couch with leg on pillows, in comfy's watching tv and enjoying some special attention from friends who stop by to hang out with me. Tori even arranged for meals for two weeks for Phil and I, made by our good friends in the congregation. I can't tell you how helpful everyone has been. I have been praying lots and allowing myself the help we need. It is hard, you know- to let people help you and see you in a vulnerable state. But it really does strengthen friendships to see eachother in less then perfect circumstance. So I am focusing on the positives.

To be honest I cry a little bit each day, as I feel helpless and guilty since Phil has to do everything for me. I'm on crutches and greatly limited in movement. Sometimes I'll bend my knee too sharply and it feels like I have ripped the ligament all over again. There are ups and downs, but mostly ups. With good friends and prayer you can get through anything. I know that a sprain isn't even close to cancer, or a broken bone, the loss of a loved one, etc. But with each hardship comes it's heavy load and we must give ourselves the attention we deserve.

Facing an injury throws off your regular abilities, schedule, habits and overall vibe of the household. I'm admitting that it's very hard to handle. That is why I am extremely and utterly thankful that my husband is such a sweet man. He remains chipper, comforting me in the most discerning way, even if I'm defensive and sad. In sickness and in health, right? He is my rock, and without him I'm not sure how I would be doing right now.

Slowly my leg will heal, and I will ignore worries of lasting issues with my knee. What's the point? I am taking some natural remedies along with my pain medication such as Arnica in the homeopathic remedy form and also Traumeel, which is a topical lotion. The day after I used the natural products I woke up with alot less pain, swelling and bruising. Nothing like nature for the soul!

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So with this injury, the big move, and the winding down of planning a huge party and entertaining many guests in the past few months I look forward to a few months of rest. There is a time and a place for dancing, laughing, celebrating, and then a time to turn inward and toward eachother in a more relaxed and stable way. That is what I crave at the moment. I am happy to just be.

In the spring I feel that I will start to feel inspired, as I am getting a small itch to create now. Home decor has come together in a way that I am content for a while, before starting on the bedroom and guest room. I am keeping my eye simple, and with that maybe I will feel the motivation to make again. I have so many creative friends, how could I not? It is such a huge chunk of my soul, to create.

I battle with the search for my niche, and yet somehow deep down I know I cannot stick to one. Without sounding like a bragging idiot, I must say that I have inside me many different dimensions. All of them must be attended to in order for me to feel peaceful and free. When I try to hush one of them, I feel panicked and uninspired. It is difficult. I would almost rather be 2 or 3 dimensional- which is a feasible amount to work with. But I have many more, and I think I just have to cater to all of them to feel good.

That being said, Blueberryshoes will have to be an all encompassing shop. I will never just sell one thing. When you walk into Anthropologie there are many different things to buy, of all different styles. It stands out because of just that. It isn't like your average brick and mortar shop that sells just clothing, or just housewares. Blueberryshoes will be sort of like that. Instead of trying to release lines of just one thing, I will add what I make when I want to. I'm not going to overthink anything, but instead share what I create in the hopes that maybe even just one other person in the world will love it enough to press BUY.

That's enough for me. For one person to love something I have made. I want to incorporate more of my illustrations. My dream has been to make zines. I think I will make that happen. Recipes, poems, sketches, dreams, and things given to me by friends will go into them. I have such a love of zines and I think a few people will feel the same.

I would like to make some wall hangings with simple sayings on them. These are things I look for myself on Etsy. Sort of country/farmhouse styled signage. I made one in my bathroom that says, "a calm sea does not make a skilled sailor". Stuff like that. Also I enjoy doing silhouettes. They would look cute on bedside tables. I'd like to make things with natural treasures. Maybe stick mobiles. shell jewelry. Are you getting my drift? It's all over the map. But I feel that if I photograph everything in a similar fashion, the shop will be almost like a curiosity shop. Once you're in, you wanna see everything. Almost like it's a museum.

I'm pretty sure this is the longest post I have ever written. If you have read it, I thank you for your patience!! I appreciate each and everyone of you who follow me here. I really can't tell you how much. To know you are being heard by like minded individuals. Isn't that why we live? To be understood, to understand.

Much love to you tonight
I look forward to keeping in touch more regularly my dear friends.